you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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