I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
