she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
