Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize