there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
