I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
