she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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