this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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