I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
