i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize