weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she looked like the before picture.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize