Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
