Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
