You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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