I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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