who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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