Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
