Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
