Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
