I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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