We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
