Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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