I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
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