i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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