i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
