Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize