Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
