uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
