haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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