My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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