I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
you never un-have a 4some
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
