i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
