Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
honey bunches of taint.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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