She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
