Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
