I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
