If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
