Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
