If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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