I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize