his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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