saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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