Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize