if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
