i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize