I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
