I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
