should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
