i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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