what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
