I CAN MOONWALK!
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It's not a walk of shame if you run
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
