I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
