He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
