sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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