I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
