So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
