I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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