He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
