Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
