I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Randomize