On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
