My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
