just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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