Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
