At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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