dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
