How'd it feel making her break her religion?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It was confusing and full of hummus
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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