Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
