oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
