I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
