Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
its not stalking. its research.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
