you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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