I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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