You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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