I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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