we're blogging at a bar
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
