i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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