You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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