I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Houston, we have a blender
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
