i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
