I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
