i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
3 2 1 whiskey
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
