I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
