dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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