i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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