he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
