hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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