My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
