So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
