Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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