I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
