Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
