remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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