Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
