I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
