I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
