I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
