in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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