bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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