I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize