I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
