He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
