You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You have to summon your inner elephant
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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