She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
