everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
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