Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
farters have to be the big spoon...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
