I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
