I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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